How is it already the end of July?
It’s amazing to me that time goes by so quickly and it still feels like I just lost Jim yesterday.
Our wedding anniversary is in less than 3 weeks. And Jim’s birthday is 3 weeks after that…. along with football – which we loved together! And then it’s The Jewish Holidays. Needless to say –
It’s a tough stretch for me.
Knowing that is my power. Every year I’ve learned more of what to do. And what NOT to do. Because it will never be easy or painless.
So today I m going to share a few of my survival tips –
Both for times we know are more difficult as well as the unexpected difficult times that arise.
First and foremost –
- Don’t judge yourself. There’s no right way to do this thing called life. Forget about to do’s and focus on what feels right – and p.s., that’s allowed to change!
It’s also important to understand that ups and downs are expected. Too often, my clients discuss tough moments or tough days as setbacks.
That couldn’t be further from the truth! We’re all human and we all experience difficulties. It’s part of life. It’s not at all a reflection of you or a measured outcome, for that matter.
- Plan some extra “me” time. I use it to decompress, have fun with my pups, and just to make sure I’m grounded before getting into life and it’s fast paced rhythm.
I’ve learned that I have the before, the event, and the “emotional hangover” as I like to call it. And I allow me time for each of these phases.
People don’t SEE what it’s like coming home to a house without Jim. They don’t SEE me rolling over and reaching for him automatically every morning before I have to remind myself that he is still in fact gone.
And that’s just every day.
So during harder stretches, I give myself more time – to slow down and move at my pace.
It’s not a race. It’s not a comparison. Do find things that bring you some peace and prioritize. Because you matter.
- Decide who you want to be around. And who you don’t! Who lifts you up? Who exhausts you?
It’s easy to get into the habit of attending things out of obligation. It’s important to consider how things make you feel. Especially when times are difficult.
It’s ok not to answer a phone call. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to change your mind.
Surround yourself with the people accept you where you are. Think about what you watch and what you read.
And what you DO. When I was tossing and turning all night long, finger-painting relaxed me. It didn’t feel productive at the time but it absolutely was –
Because it got my mind off the pain.
Consider making a list of the things that bring peace, the people who lift you up, and have it handy.
- Decide what you want to tell people. Believe me – having this prepared ahead of time is HUGE! How often have you said yes to something on the spot when you really wanted to say no?
This gives you a ready made answer based on what’s best for you.
I’m comfortable saying “I’m taking some time just for me” but you might not be. You can say ANYTHING that will help you stay true to yourself.
If attending an event is too stressful, you can say you have a conflict. You’re feeling under the weather. Whatever works!
I’m not promoting dishonesty. I’m promoting self care and doing what’s best for you. Period.
And last, but never least –
- Listen to your body. I can never say this enough. Your body knows even when you don’t!
A migraine. An injury. I firmly believe that our bodies will act up if we ignore them. So look for the clues. A yawn. A growling stomach. Take care of your basic physical needs so your better equipped to handle your emotional needs.
And you can always ALWAYS reach out for support.
Connect with me anytime by email or join The Griefhab Community for unlimited access to me, resources, and others who get it ❤️
