Someone reached out to me recently through my website, and of course I responded.
The reply I received took me back to when I first lost Jim: “I don’t know what I need….”
I so vividly remember that feeling.
I remember people wanting to help – truly wanting to help and asking me what I needed help with…. and I was unable to answer.
So here’s what I want you to know.
Decisions are difficult. Give choices rather than asking open ended questions.
Better yet – make the decision for us and then give a choice. “I’m bringing over dinner. Do you want company or do you want me to drop it off?” The simpler it is – the better!
Understand that recognizing the need for help isn’t automatic.
I connected with my former (at the time) therapist immediately after losing Jim. Others may not reach out like this. They might not know who to turn to, or where to turn – and that adds to overwhelm.
Understand that searching and researching is stressful! Our brains are processing the loss and “new” information is overwhelming. Technology is overwhelming – Not just for me. My clients dealing with loss also have issues with technology. It’s sensory overload.
So consider reaching out on your friend or loved one’s behalf. Allow me to figure out a comfortable way to move forward. Making that first step for someone is… a short cut, for lack of a better example
You can also create an introduction. Send a message or email to me and your friend/loved one and allow me to respond and introduce myself.
Buy services for them. Take the stress of that decision off their plate.
My brother did so many of these things for me, before I had time to figure out what I needed help with.
If some of these suggestions seem too forward, or if you have a casual friendship with someone you want to support – you can invite them to join The Griefhab Facebook Community. It’s a place where they can be surrounded by others who truly get it. Without judgment.
No cost. No rules other than respect and compassion. Unlimited access to me and a community of others who have walked in the same shoes.
And while this next one might seem simple, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is: Be patient.
There’s no timeline for healing. There’s no right or wrong way. And the way might even change along the way.
Understand that we feel lost. Hopeless. Scared. And so much more. And it all adds up to more pain and confusion as we figure things out along the way. Because it’s invisible and under discussed.
And we live in the “fake it until you make it” culture and we’re surrounded by the “push through” mentality. People have a certain period of time society “allows” them to grieve, and healing has no timeline. It’s ongoing.
It’s a work in progress.
So also know that you are beyond appreciated – even if we’re too distracted with pain to say it in the moment.
We’ll get there – and we couldn’t get there without you
You can hear more of my thoughts on this topic on my latest Podcast episode “Twice as Hard” of The Be Ruthless Show available on iTunes and Spotify and anywhere Podcasts are available.
To connect with me more and have unlimited access to my resources and support, join The Griefhab Facebook Group
And you can always ALWAYS reach out for support. Book your FREE discovery call with me today!