Now that the chaos of the first – ever Ruthless in the Rockies retreat is over, I’m reflecting on everything that happened – all the good and the not so good. And there is so much to share with you! But the thing that’s been on my mind the most is the topic of ‘detoxing.’ Getting rid of all the toxic things in your life.
Do you ever feel like you’re surrounded by bad energy? Do you feel like there are things in your life that are ‘toxic,’ or bring you nothing but negativity? You’re not alone. We all have ‘toxins’ in our lives that need to be removed.
What Do ‘Toxins’ Look Like?
But what are those toxins?
For some, alcohol may be a ‘toxin.’ Maybe even caffeine. This doesn’t mean that alcohol or caffeine are inherently bad or that no one should ever drink them – But for some people, drinking alcohol or caffeine can negatively affect certain behaviors or internal thoughts. Drinking either can lead to problems in your personal and professional lives. If that’s true for you, it may be time to eliminate alcohol or caffeine from your life.
For others, the ‘toxin’ may be social media. Some people can use social media on a daily basis without creating unhealthy habits. But if you find yourself spending hours ‘doomscrolling’ on Facebook or if you notice changes in your mood due to your social media feeds, it’s probably a ‘toxin’ in your life.
And of course, we can’t talk about ‘toxins’ without talking about one that most often affects our lives: toxic people. Unfortunately, some people have attitudes or behaviors that negatively impact the people around them. If you have a toxic person in your life, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. And as much as you may care about the person, it’s important that you ‘detox’ as soon as you can.
Recognizing Toxic People
It’s not always easy to accept that a person in your life is toxic. You’ve surrounded yourself with people who matter to you. But sometimes you have to assess and make the difficult decision to distance yourself from the toxicity.
One of the difficult parts of my job is that I end up working with all different kinds of people – and occasionally, I have to fire a client. It isn’t something that happens often, but it is something that happened again recently.
It’s never easy to make the decision to fire a client. But I do a lot of group work. One client’s toxic, unhealthy energy and bad behavior can sabotage an entire group if I don’t address it quickly. As much as I may want to help every person, the safety of all comes first.
It’s my job to observe and understand what’s going on below the surface with my clients. Unfortunately, no one can catch everything. It doesn’t happen often, but unhealthy, dishonest, substance – abusing clients can fool even the most experienced professional. That’s why it’s so important to involve the whole family and do everything that we can to make sure we’re seeing the whole picture.
But no matter what we do, sometimes it’s impossible to see what’s happening. Of course, I had the natural feelings of guilt for missing the signs. But I ultimately knew I had to focus on handling the situation.
Cutting Off Toxic People
In a professional setting, I have to follow specific standards when I fire a client. But it’s a little different when you’re cutting off a toxic person in your personal life. Follow these steps:
Be Direct
Tell the person that your relationship is unhealthy, and that you are creating distance. This way you won’t have to deal with the ongoing stress of avoiding them. Try to have the conversation in a public place to keep the interaction as civil as possible.
- There are some situations where it might be better to end the relationship without a conversation. Unhealthy people don’t respect boundaries and your health comes first! Always trust your intuition and feel free to run it by a professional or someone you trust.
Set Expectations
If you will still be in situations where you’ll see the toxic person, let them know from the start how you want to handle those scenarios. If you work together, establish expectations for professional interactions. And if they are a member of your family, tell them how much contact you are willing to have at family events.
Avoid Arguing
The toxic person will probably have a strong reaction to your conversation. They will likely try to argue or cause a scene. If this happens, calmly tell them that you aren’t going to continue the conversation, then walk away.
Stand Your Ground
When you end the relationship with a toxic person, they will try to change your mind. They’ll tell you that they are going to change, and try to convince you that their toxicity isn’t as bad as you remember. But trust your gut: your experiences are real, and you are making the right decision.
The Outcome
Eliminating a toxic person from your life doesn’t always happen overnight. It’s complicated, and it takes time to untangle your feelings and set hard boundaries. But even if it isn’t easy, it’s always worth it.
In my recent situation, it was a difficult conversation. But once it was done, I was so, so proud of the way that I handled it. And the benefits were palpable. I was able to protect the rest of the group, and we worked through the complicated emotions together. In the end, we channeled the experience into helping everyone heal.
As worried as I was that the group was bothered by the situation, everyone there signed up for Ruthless in the Rockies 2024 – Spring AND Fall! So clearly, I handled it well!
*Want to join us next year at Ruthless in the Rockies? Send me an email at sam@samantharuth.com to get the details!
Want support as you work through your own healing journey and eliminating the ‘toxins’ in your life? Join Team Ruthless!
And remember, you can reach out anytime: sam@samantharuth.com
