6 Tips for Navigating Grief in College

 

Grief is never easy. But when you’re in college, it’s even harder. In honor of National College Student Grief Awareness Day, let’s talk about a few tips to help college students navigate grieving.

College is so much different from every other part of life. By the time you get to college, you’re labeled an adult, with adult responsibilities. But at the same time, you’re still emotionally growing up and learning life. You have educational responsibilities… without supervision –  for the first time. You have life expenses like an adult, but you’re just learning how to manage your own finances. Many of you are also paying for school. Most college students have to work, while still maintaining a school schedule. On top of all of these things, college students are figuring out who they are, navigating changing relationships, and planning out their futures.

All of this means that this phase of life is deeply complicated. When crises and major life changes arise during this time, it can be difficult for students to navigate them. Grieving is, therefore, especially painful during college. 

And let’s address the fact that the transition from high school to college itself IS a loss. A loss of structure and routines, a loss of the friendships you’ve had – at the very least, it’s a big adjustment. For many, it’s the first time that you’re living away from family.

There are so many things I could continue to list, but the point is that the world doesn’t even acknowledge this. Grief is uncomfortable to begin with, and society tends to avoid acknowledging it, but this isn’t even considered something anyone needs to grieve.

Error! 

Moving is the 2nd most stressful transition in life, and we’re talking about moving at the age of 17 or 18. Plus doing it without your family. Or friends. 

So let’s begin by acknowledging that this is a vulnerable place and time. Additional stress, let alone loss, is just different. 

So here are 6 tips to help college students grieve.

1: Take Advantage of School Resources

Your college wants you to succeed. Every school is different, but most have mental health resources available (either on- or off-campus) to help you get through whatever life throws at you. And that includes grief.

Reach out to your admissions counselor or student resource center to get connected to the available resources.

Even if it’s just to help you find someone else! This is a massive resource at your hands – but I do need to note that it’s often staffed by students. It’s important to work with someone experienced in the specific area of your need. If your school can’t provide for your specific need, at least they can do the legwork for you! 

2: Talk About It

You can’t get through it alone.

When you’re going through big life changes, it’s easy to become disconnected from your family and friends. But grief is such a heavy burden. If you keep it to yourself, it will quickly weigh you down, affecting every area of your life.

Talk about your grief with the people you trust. It will probably feel uncomfortable at first – but it will get easier. Talk about the complex emotions you’re experiencing. Talk about the person (or the phase of life) you’re grieving. Share memories. Just don’t try to do it all by yourself.

And don’t be afraid to look beyond your friends and family to find someone to talk to! Schedule an extra talk with your therapist, or visit a grief group to fill the gaps in your needs.

3: Communicate with Your Professors

Most college professors have strict attendance policies outlined in the syllabus they provide at the beginning of each semester. So when something unexpected like the death of a loved one arises, you will likely worry that you can’t take the time that you need to grieve.

Communication is key. Your professors can’t help you if you don’t give them the opportunity! Be honest and transparent about the situation. Explain what has happened, how you are feeling, and what you need from them. 

Be specific about what they can do to support your continued learning. ‘I need a week away from class to grieve with my family’ will be received better than a two sentence email stating that you ‘won’t make it to class.’ If you need an extension on your project due dates, say so.

If they say ‘no,’ don’t lose hope. You can also reach out to your student resource office, your advisor, or your dean and plead your case. 

And to avoid this altogether – have an advocate. You’re dealing with enough. These are the things I do for my clients, so they can just focus on getting home and being with family. 

If you’re living in a dorm, your RA is a great person to advocate on your behalf. Your advisor can also help with this. And again, going back to #1, this is why getting to the school resource center will help. 

4: Seek Help Beyond Campus

The resources provided by your college are a good place to start, but you will likely need more support than they can offer. You may find that campus resources have long waitlists, preventing you from getting help when you need it most. Sometimes campus resources have high staff turnover rates, which may make healing difficult for you. Or maybe you will be graduating soon, and you know you will need support even after finishing college. Be proactive about seeking resources outside of what your school offers. Even if you don’t need them now – it’s better to be prepared, just in case.

Again – I do this FOR my clients. I don’t believe you should have to do more work when you’re already struggling. Not everyone works this way, so remember – you’re interviewing and choosing who the best fit is for you. Find someone you’ll trust and be able to open up to, look for someone with experience in the area you need, and finally, find someone who will relieve, not add, stress. 

If you find your mental health is suffering while you grieve, make an appointment with a therapist. If you need to sit and talk with others who are grieving, join a grief group outside of your school. Look for online resources to help you process your grief.

Always remember that Griefhab is about healing YOUR way! 

5: Put Your Mental Health First, No Matter What

There is bound to be a lot of pressure when you are in college. But grief is a tricky thing. Sometimes it hits you so hard that you just can’t focus. When that happens, listen to what your body and mind are telling you. If you need a break to process your grief before returning to the grind of your everyday college life, that’s okay!

You can take time away from school. You can take a break from some of your responsibilities. You can get away from the world and heal. Just be sure to communicate with your school and workplace to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that you can come back when you are ready.

There are laws in place to protect you – so choose an advocate well versed in both grief and mental health!

6: Give Yourself Grace

No one is perfect. And when we experience a loss, the grief can bring out the worst in us. Give yourself permission to live imperfectly while you grieve. Accept that you will drop the ball occasionally. You are allowed to just grieve!

You’re Not Alone

Whether you are in college or in another stage of life when grief hits, you don’t have to do it alone. I created Griefhab to help fill the gaps in the other grief support options available. Because life happens outside of business hours. And support in the grief world is more than just emotional. It’s literally any and everything, and that’s what Griefhab helps you with – any and everything. If you need help navigating grief, I’m here for you!

And remember, you can reach out anytime: sam@samantharuth.com

PS: Want to stay up to date on the important awareness days throughout the year? The 13 Month Griefhab 2024 Awareness Calendar was designed to showcase EVERY important awareness day, week, and month. Each month features inspiring quotes, as well as artwork designed by a child impacted by grief. You can purchase your awareness calendar here:

https://buy.stripe.com/cN25lv9JEbeS3E428k and contact sam@samantharuth.com for bulk orders.