I really cannot believe it’s December. I also really cannot believe it’s approaching 5 years since I lost Jim. Thanksgiving in Michigan without him was hard. It wasn’t obvious to others, but I really did go through so many emotions. And – I shouldn’t be surprised by this – someone told me that they “had enough of my feelings” Someone important to me, I might add. And so, in a blink – things became clear.
I’m so unbelievably proud of myself. I am – and I don’t take these moments to celebrate myself. Ever. So I’m doing that now. Because I’m proud of who I am.
I’m proud of what I stand for.
I’m proud that I’m making a life for myself without Jim. I’m proud that I have my emotions – and that I share them! And I’m proud that I walked away from that conversation better. Stronger. Because what you think of me is none of my business. I let that comment get to me. I’m human…
But after a few moments – I recognized that it’s their loss. It’s a reflection of their character – not mine! I’ve been through the biggest loss – I’m now extremely intentional about what and who I let into my life. I need people who accept me for me – whatever that looks like. Emotions included. I’ve had very few such people in my life. Jim made up for all of that – with one smile. He loved and accepted me for me. Unconditionally. So I’ve lost him, and I’ve also lost that person who believes in me. The one who cheers me on instead of questioning me. The one who believes in me more than I believe in myself. He’s still with me. Always. And I hear his support and feel his love. But I need other supportive people in my life. We all do. And unfortunately, it doesn’t always come from the people we want it to come from. Often, they’re the hardest to please.So I’m unbelievably grateful for the people I now have in my life. The communities I’m a part of that accept me for me. The Griefhab Community. My soul sisters. My chosen family. My tribe. They’re here for me always. They lift me up rather than beating me down. They let me be me. If you don’t have these people, I urge you to find them. And if you don’t know where to look, start with YOU. Your interests. Your hobbies. It doesn’t have to be a profound aha type of moment. It can simply be your interest in painting or hiking or anything! When you do what’s right for you – other things will fall into place. And no matter what others may tell you – you’re worth it. You matter. Exactly the way you are, no conditions! Losing a loved one is traumatic enough. Finding support shouldn’t be! I created Griefhab, so others do have the support they need. At the time of loss – not months after the fact. So NO ONE has to struggle alone!
Hopefully this blog has provided some comfort, education or awareness. If you know someone who will benefit from reading this blog, please share it.
You can hear more of my thoughts on my Podcast The Be Ruthless Show available on iTunes and Spotify and anywhere Podcasts are available.
By making noise and breaking stigmas we can make the world a better place.
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