Avoid the Noise

So many of my clients are going through similar things. At the same time. But they don’t know it because most suffer silently. Feeling alone. We allow the noise in this world to confuse us. To tell us things like boys don’t cry and girls can’t play football. Pardon my language, but it’s bullshit!! Major bullshit. And it connects to what I’m talking about today: Just because someone says something, doesn’t mean that it’s true.

One of my clients is blaming himself for absolutely everything that went wrong in a relationship…. because the other party said “it’s all your fault.” I say that every situation involves two people. Accepting responsibility for your role, behavior, and decisions is very different than accepting responsibility for everything that went wrong in a relationship. I repeat:

 Just because someone says something doesn’t mean that it’s true.

Another client sees her emotions as a weakness, because that’s what her friends and family tell her. I see it differently. I compare crying to sweating – we can’t control either bodily function, to which she replied “I never thought about it that way.” It can’t be said enough: Just because someone says something doesn’t mean that it’s true. To use an example in my own life, my dad recently said to me: “you are different with dealing with your back & not in a good way, makes it more difficult.” I’ll be the first to admit that in 2017, that statement was completely accurate. But present tense – my dad’s wrong. Plain and simple.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT’S TRUE.

We’re allowed to discard information that doesn’t apply. We’re allowed to decide who and what “noise” we choose to listen to. Now – that doesn’t mean that my dads comment didn’t strike a nerve. I’m human. But that’s when I leaned on my people. That’s when I was able to tune into myself, and tune out his noise! Because I know me best. And you know you best. And other people’s perceptions don’t have to derail us. It’s data – And we get to choose what data we pay close attention to, and what data we filter out. There are opinions everywhere – even when we don’t ask! So pay attention to you. Before you get distracted by all the other voices – remember that yours is the most important.

If someone says something that is completely untrue, if someone called me really tall, for example consider whether or not it’s worth debating the issue. I’m clearly not tall. I could have a good laugh, say nothing, and go on with my day. I’m choosing to do the same with my back. I’m not debating my dad’s perception of how I’m handling it. I’m also not wasting any energy on his comment whatsoever. We have choices. Some are simpler than others, but they’re always there. Identify your people. Who will you turn to? Not who can you turn to. Who will you really turn to in the moments you need support? Who will be supportive?Who will you actually reach out to? Knowing this now saves “having to think about it time” later. And when emotions are running high, it’s harder to think clearly. You can come back to these questions, to this list that you make now, and create your own way to avoid the noise!!  Remember that you can reach out anytime. sam@samanthsruth.com

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